How to find a girlfriend who will respect your wife

A hilarious fake alpha-male guide to balancing wife, girlfriend, golf, brunch, smartwatches, and emergency excuses. Marriage is sacred. Timing is everything.

A hilarious fake self-help guide for modern gentlemen who believe marriage is sacred, timing is everything, and a truly respectful girlfriend should understand family time. In this absurdly serious relationship logistics manual, B.J. Dick explains how the modern alpha male can balance wife, girlfriend, golf, brunch, restaurants, smartwatches, shared calendars, emergency excuses, and the silent danger of IKEA on a Saturday afternoon. Written in the tone of a confident playboy guru who takes himself far too seriously, this book turns cheating, macho confidence, and relationship chaos into a ridiculous management system full of rules, warnings, checklists, and fake strategic wisdom. Inside you will discover why golf is not a sport but infrastructure, why nothing good begins with brunch, why smartwatches are the enemy within, and why the most dangerous sentence in modern life is: “We need to talk.” Perfectly stupid, proudly inappropriate, and designed to make people laugh before they even open it.